Seven Months And Counting Of Future Endeavors


Welcome to my latest experience being "future endeavored" into the poor house. Not that it isn't a place I've long since become accustomed to.

Whether due to bad economic times, corporate politics, or other factors, most of us in the workplace have either been, or will be at some point, on the receiving end of the dreaded future endeavors letter.

Conceived as a somewhat kinder, gentler way of saying you've just been canned, a future endeavors letter is usually worded with something along the lines of "we wish you well on your future endeavors".

In other words its a nicer way of saying "there's the door, and don't let it hit you in the ass on your way out." Getting "future endeavored" most often will occur during one of those exit interviews where your signature is required on a stack of paperwork designed to avert lawsuits. For the future endeavoree, this is often a necessary evil in order to collect a severance package.

I have lots of experience of having to swallow my pride in these matters just in order to ensure I could eat during the uncertain times which lied ahead. I signed the damn papers, both when I knew I'd fucked up, and when I knew I'd done nothing wrong at all. There was even one time where my deal included a one way, all expenses paid deal to move both me and my stuff out of the state and back to Seattle as long as I kept my mouth shut. Those guys apparently wanted me as far away from them as they could pay me to get.

Long story short, Legalise can be a tricky thing, especially when your main concern is how you are going to pay the rent. Just don't ever believe any of that free will bullshit. The fact is, more often than not they've got you by the balls and they know it. Thank you, Mr. Bush.

Most of the time, I've been able to figure a way out of being future endeavored fairly quickly, although with each and every single one of them I said goodbye to a little bit of myself. The career I once loved and cherished became history long ago for one thing. To say nothing of my dignity and self-respect.

This time has been different. While my neighbors, my friends, and even my parents continue to wonder just when this fifty year old guy is going to shake it off, and get back on his feet again, I'm really starting to worry a little bit. It's never gone this long before.

As everybody knows, the economy sucks balls right now. But for me, the situation is compounded by my particular skill-set, or more specifically my lack of one. Since both my age, the changing nature of the industry, and to be honest, my own mistakes, effectively ended my once promising career in the music business, I've had to rely on the two marketable skills where I have experience.

In sales -- something I did very well in the music game -- the bottom line is that it's a young mans game. I'm simply too old, and quite frankly, I like people too much to be knocking myself dead trying to "close" whatever poor sap I can scam out of his money. I've never been good at lying to people's faces, and sales is a lying mans game.

My other skill is writing, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it. The problem there is, in over thirty years of my adult experience doing it, the one thing I've learned is that nobody wants to pay you. My stuff at Blogcritics gets me a fair amount of attention. I've gotten comments from famous musicians like Roger McGuinn, I've been interviewed by Charles Gibson on ABC -- I've even had Howard Stern read an article of mine on the air.

But nobody wants to hire me to do what I do best.

And if someone out there would like to prove me wrong on that, please, please get in touch with me. I'm dying to hear from you.

So I'm seven months and counting of being "future endeavored" into the poorhouse. The unemployment (and thank you Mr. Obama for both the extension and the stimulus raise) will be gone in about three months. My bank account is already dangerously close to running dry.

I love my parents, but that's just not an option.

In the meantime, I just want to work.

Happy 4th Of July.

And remember, we wish you well on your future endeavors.